Saturday, September 20, 2008

A Brilliant Article...

From author Darin Hufford of www.freebelieversnetwork.com

Spending Believe

When people read through the different blogs and articles on "The Free Believers Network" site, I see two different ways of thinking manifested. Some people sit around and analyze what they believe. They love to be challenged with their belief system. They stand up for it, they fight for it and some will even die for it. If you so much as dare to contradict what they believe, they'll come out fighting like an angry poodle. They can quote Bible verses that back up their beliefs and they've even memorized the verses that back up the verses that back up the verses. Over time they become seasoned debaters because of their many coffeehouse quarrels and chat room rumbles. They've developed a memorized and scripted set of answers for every possible question or contradiction to their system of beliefs. Not only can they debate their position and win, but they've become experts in convincing unbelievers to become believers in their exact system of beliefs.

On a personal level, they use their beliefs to get them through some of life's toughest times. They can stand beneath their beliefs when the storms of life come rushing in. They steady themselves on their beliefs when the ground begins to shake beneath their feet. During times of uncertainty and darkness, they hold on with all their might to those beliefs to get them through. Even in the lonely times of life, their belief system provides company and reassurance. A person of age and experience might even minister to others in these shaky times by reciting passages and quoting comforting beliefs to the one in need.

The system of beliefs becomes more than just a way of life; it becomes the very essence of life itself. Over time, if properly applied to one's life, their system of beliefs becomes woven into every possible avenue of their existence. Everything within them is influenced and affected by it. The way they see the world around them, the way they hear things that are being said to them and even the way they feel about themselves, is often shaped and determined by that system of beliefs.

The willpower and the inner resolve to hold to that system, at any cost, and to never let go or question the authenticity of those beliefs, is what signifies a mature and faithful Christian, in the eyes of many people. At last, at the end of one's life, when they have fought the fight and run the race, they faithfully pass that system of beliefs down to their children to carry on as a legacy. From generation to generation, the system of beliefs is passed down like a family heirloom.

The irony of this is that when the question is posed, "Why do you believe what you do?" the only answer that this "believer" can conjure up is, "Because the Bible says so". Or at the very least (if you are lucky), they might quote scripture to build a case as to why they believe the things they do and why you must, as well. Each Bible verse is quite convincing and clearly says exactly what they tell you it says. One by one, the passages outline a path to a system of beliefs that are not only true and right, but also provable.

Again the question remains unanswered: "Why do you believe what you do?"

Believing in what you read or what you've been told will only last until you read something different or until someone tells you something different about what you read. It's just an idea or a concept. At the very best, you can only believe "ABOUT" such things, but it would be impossible to believe "IN" something that you didn't experience firsthand. When we believe in things that we haven't personally experienced, we are not benefiting ourselves one iota. In fact, I would even go as far as to say that most of what Christians hold to and believe has absolutely no redeeming power. Yet, ironically, they will fight for each and every point of that system as though salvation itself was contingent upon that particular belief.

A good example is the Christian belief of the Virgin Birth. This is something we strongly believe. We claim to believe it with all our hearts, but it's impossible to believe in the Virgin Birth. We can't believe in the Virgin Birth with all our hearts because none of us were there. We don't know from experience whether or not Mary was really a virgin. We can only "hold to" the Virgin Birth, but we can't really believe in it. But rather than "holding to" that piece of doctrine, we have taught people that they must "BELIEVE" in it.

I am convinced that because we Christians have blurred the lines between things we "hold to" and things we put our "Belief" in, we have over-spent our faith. I have found that many of us spend "Believe" on things that were only meant to be "held to" and the repercussions of this are astounding. When we come to the point where we need faith in order to get through a situation, we find ourselves fresh out.

I have found that people generally fight for what they believe. The problem is that we now have people fighting for what they hold to, because the lines of faith and tradition have been blurred. Sadly, for some people, God Himself is nothing more than a tradition. He's an idea that they've never personally experienced. Every single "belief" they have about Him is something they've either read or have been told by someone they respect. The moment anyone challenges what they've memorized, they become agitated and uncomfortable. Their system of beliefs is like a chain. It's only as strong as its weakest link. If one thing could be proven wrong, the entire system fails.

I once asked a friend of mine what would happen if scientists and archeologists were to someday prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jesus had both Mary's and Joseph's DNA. In other words, what if we found verifiable proof that Mary was not a virgin, and Jesus actually came from her and her husband and not from the Holy Spirit as we have been taught. My friend's response was not unlike many Christians today. She said that her entire faith would be ruined. It would be over.

This is a perfect example of where many people are today. Their religion is a list of things they "hold to," but within that list, there is not one single thing that they actually "believe." The problem is that this generation has been taught to believe what we hold to. When something we hold to doesn't pan out; our belief is shaken because it's only as strong as what we hold to. Belief is supposed to be put into something we KNOW. I personally don't care if they found that Jesus was born of a monkey. My belief is not based on those little things I hold to. My belief is based on what I've experienced and what I know to be true.

The moment you KNOW something through personal experience, you are a thousand times less likely to argue it with anyone. Insecurity comes when we decide to put our "believe" in something we "hold to" rather than in the things we know. Our religion has taught us to spend our believe on just about everything other than God Himself. We're supposed to believe in the Bible. We're told to believe that the Pastor is speaking God's words to us. We're told to believe in every single point of our denominational doctrine. We're taught to believe in the Trinity, the virgin birth, the Sacraments and about a thousand other things. When Christians start putting their faith in all these things, it's no wonder they have little or nothing left when it comes to God Himself. Christianity was never supposed to be a blind faith religion and yet that is exactly what it has become.

We were never supposed to put our faith in a Bible verse. The Bible verse is there to express what faith in God can do. Unfortunately, today we are taught to read the verse and put faith in the verse itself. We read that whatever we ask for in His name, we will receive. We try our best to put every ounce of our faith in that concept and nothing happens. Nothing happens because that's an improper use of "believe." Belief is supposed to be put in your "already-existing relationship" with the Father. Belief in that relationship is what causes the essence of that Bible verse to spring to life; not belief in the verse itself. Sadly, this separation is almost completely overlooked in this generation.

Christians today sit around analyzing what they believe rather than analyzing what they KNOW. The problem is that they can't know anything until they let go of what they believe. Their experience will only take them as far as their "system of beliefs" will allow. Their eyes will only see things within that system. Their ears will only hear things within that system. You will see only what you believe and you will hear only what you believe. I am convinced that this generation is having their "hold to's" stirred and shaken. Only then will each individual be left to see exactly what they truly believe. Becoming a Free Believer is about living only on what we believe and know from experience. We have a deep reverence for the things we hold to, but we know the One in whom we believe.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Florida Life

I think Florida life suits me. Don’t get me wrong; I still don’t like the terrain, the radio stations, the cost of living, and the salaries here. I hate the fact that only one of my old friends are here and I had a bittersweet moment this week when I finally turned in my PA license and transferred my tags over to Florida.

But for the first time in years, I’ve made it through late winter/early spring without the intense seasonally affected depression/frustration that always hits me February-May. Yes, there’s still a month and a week left, but normally I would have called out of work every other week, just because I couldn’t make it out of bed. This is always the time that I left most of my jobs or screwed up my studies.

I guess the “As good as it gets?” post was one bad day, but perhaps the bright sun and warm weather are doing some good!!

In work news… I called out of PT job last Thursday and Friday, and finally quit this week. I don’t mind working more hours, but this ended up being more hassle than it was worth.

They hired too many people for this project so I and others in my training group sat in Max Capacity for 2, 3 and 4 hours before starting our shift. Max cap means that even though there are seats and computers available, they are rented and it costs less for the company to have us sitting around doing nothing than to work. Ordinarily this would be fine, but if I’m busting my butt getting over there after working 8 hours, the last thing I want to do is sit in the freezing lunch room until someone else is done. We also don’t have anything to do after 12am because it’s after 9pm in all US time zones. So again, nothing to do and we get fired if they catch us on the internet or chatting twice.

Max cap also means that all the overtime they promised us is no longer available.

The commissions they promised are an illusion. Yes, you’ll get 1.50 for an install you schedule, but our group doesn’t even have access to the customer until they have been contacted by another group three times. The best people in the group are only getting about 5 sales a day… and that’s on a good day.

I’m sick of having to clock out to take a break, go to the bathroom and go to lunch and be lectured daily on keeping your personal items to a minimum. Also there were a group of un-chic geeks (probably more accurately labeled “dorks”) who played dungeons and dragons for the last 2 hours of every night… This… was… much… too… much!!

Plus, now there is opportunity at FT job for overtime for at least another month! Working 6 hours a week there gives the same amount of money as two 25 hour weeks at the other… it was a hard decision!

New roommate “P” will be arriving at the end of the month. I’ll admit, I’m a little nervous because I know she’s a bit of a holy roller and she sounds like cheerleader on the phone, but I’m withholding judgment for now because that’s $550 a month that I’m saving and I’ve got bills to pay, baby!

I will also actually have a refund this year!!! I’m so excited!! $700!!! I could cry! :D

I think that’s all I have to say about that! More later!

Much Love!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Deleted Post

So. fucking. over. GC guy! I'm guessing he was just shy the first two days because he is utterly and completely annoying to me now... He won't shut the hell up! He spent the entire class period either whining about the computer system - totally ignoring the trainer (who's gotten much better and is actually quite nice) , or talking about some way wacked out stuff like "documented cases" of time travel and worm holes or giant mummies found in south America that had fiery red hair and horns or looking up sports online or just generally being an arrogant ass and know it all. Now, if you know me well enough you'll know that I like cocky men, but this. was much. too much! And this brings me to reason #223,323, 234 why I am not in a long term relationship... I can have a complete relationship in my head - before the guy even knows I exist. In under a week I've gone from totally enamored to completely disgusted. I'm just glad we didn't (virtually) get around to having and naming kids this time... Messy (virtual) Break-ups are always so hard on the children... :) My rebound (virtual) relationship is with Mr. B who is not as good looking as GC guy, but who has taken to calling me "mami" (For you hopeless white folks out there - and "bubble girl" think Puerto Rican version of "baby/honey" and not the ignorant Gone with the wind character)... And girls... today was the day I learned that being called "mami" in a very deep voice by a man with a great smile.... makes me smile..... and a few other things I dare not mention....
(give me a minute.... um... maybe two.... and uh... yeah... I'm going to need a couple batteries!)In other news... I think the "online ordained" minister that was sitting next to me in class was sipping a LITTLE MORE than Arizona Iced Tea in his bottle tonight!! I mean... hey dude... whatever get's you through the night, but... WOAH! Also, if my boss' Manager (who I'm forced to work with since my boss is out training this week) doesn't lose the 'tude and shut the fuck up... I swear I'm going to put my foot up her ass... Normally I bend over backwards to accommodate and but this. is. not. the. week! This morning when she arrived I was coming back with my coffee and just remarked offhandedly that she was working on some paperwork that I gave her last week. So she says something about not having time to do it until now which I knew, because she's been busy. So I said "that's ok, it's not due until tomorrow" we have plenty of time... in a nice, normal genuinely cheery voice to let her know that I wasn't trying to hassle her... She shoots back, "Yeah never do today what you can put off to tomorrow is a great attitude to have." WTF lady?! This is the also the second time this week that she has given me work to do at 3:50 and 4:00 that HAS TO BE DONE by the end of the day, when she knows full well I have to leave at 4:30... Yesterday I looked at the clock and said that I would do the best I could, but I had to leave in a half hour... She says something to the effect of "well that's the kind of stuff I like to hear!! and walks off. Today she gives me a HUGE... HUGE document to proof and incorporate her changes into - again... has to be today. I was so pissed at her that I worked triple time and got it done. Had it back to her and was out the door at 4:30... (bi-otch!) And finally, I think the magic number is 2... Two cups of almost unbearably bad coffee mixed with creamer and hot chocolate in the morning will keep me awake all day.... I just hope I can get to sleep now!!! Much love!
Ps. How could Blogger not recognize "fuck" or "fucking" in the spell check?! (it suggested Buck or Puking)

Friday, March 31, 2006

Days 3 & 4 and Reason # 89765....

---Deleted--- because I'm sick of seeing that last post too, Suze.

Will write more later this week!

Much Love

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

As good as it gets?

Many of us have memories of being told by one or both parents that "we can grow up to be whatever we want to be, as long as we put our minds to it". (In addition, if you grew up in the type of churches I did, you had the preacher-of-the-week prophesies that you would “do great things for God”.)

But obviously there are some flaws in that statement. Shacquile O’neil (sp?) will never be a prize winning jockey, nor Danny Devito an NBA superstar, and no matter how much ugly people makeup they agree to put on Charlize Theron – she will (probably) never get offered the role of Winston Churchill…… (probably).

So, how do you be all that you can be and not give up in the face of adversity (almost typed “diversity” – sleep deprivation is a hilarious thing!!) WHILE acknowledging and embracing your limitations and learning to be content “in all situations”? How do you distinguish laziness and from acceptance of one’s lot in life?

I guess what started me on all this was the fact that “D” has once again been offered a high profile project that gets accolades from our group (and in this case – the president of the company). She’s almost like another supervisor in the group – she’s looked to for advice and direction in new projects before the other admin and I even know there’s something going on.

I’ve been doing admin work for the past…. 10 years at least. I work my ass off most times (apart from emailing and IMing on occasion.), but outside of a precious few incidents when I really shined I pretty much just meet expectations (and bosses are probably being kind – my inconsistency and flakiness on the job should put me at does not meet expectation, but the fact that I’m willing to work extra to fix things and am really nice bump me up a level).

No matter how hard I try, I can’t really seem to make headway or progress in this career – salary increases are mostly because of years of experience. And it’s not that I don’t like my job most days… I like helping and being needed (which I am), but it sucks the life out of me trying to be “detail-oriented”, and “consistent” and to “have good follow-through skills”, but these are things I’d need for ANY job.

Should I just accept that I never get awards or accolades – never have the time/energy to innovate – never be able to think in a concrete, logical fashion long enough to hold a decent convo with bosses – never be able to focus in meetings –never be great – and then wait around until bosses figure that out fire me?

At this stage in my life I can’t afford to be carefree and just jump into another career… My folks have no money and if there is any truth to the Archer family curse (my mother’s side of the family) – or if you look at the number of professional, smart black women who are still single it’s not outside of the realm of possibility that I’ll never marry. It’s just me… and I’m stuck… and I know… get your degree, but really – considering the number of years I’ve been in school already (too embarrassed to mention how many). Are 9 credits really going to make that much more of a confident and competent worker?

Ok, I’m done ranting for now… I swear I’ll be off this “debbie downer” kick…. Eventually.

Much Love!

Irrational Fear #5?

In addition to last night's list....

What if the only reason GC guy is talking to me is because he's looking for God and God's trying to reach him?!!

It's one thing to be a DUFF for your friends, but it's down-right traumatizing to find out you're God's Duff!!!!!!

Second Day...

In my best impression of Vince Vaughn (yum!) from Wedding Crashers, here is my thought on "geek chic guy" tonight.. HE'S A SEEKER/TALKER!!! (wince)

GC guy (whose name I will share with the girls later) grew up with Catholic parents, but was an atheist until the last two years when he started reading everything about religion, I guess... It was the most animated I'd seen him since... well last night when we met.... :) We actually missed a large portion of our class because we were talking about the flood and the fallibility of carbon dating and scientology and islam and a whole bunch of stuff.

He's read through the Bible several times, the Koran and the Torah too... I know he's really seeking and wants to believe in something and that's probably why God put him in my life for right now. It was an interesting conversation, but considering my frighteningly rapid descent in to practical agnosticism... now is probably not the best time to be a representative for The Almighty.

Pentecostal guilt makes me feel I should do something in the way of Christian PR - no matter how half-assed the attempt. Although... even though he's totally interested in religion and I'm well... not... really... I think in level of belief in God and Christian things we're probably somewhat comparable by virtue of me heading one way and him the other. (I'm not sure that made sense, but it's 2:30 in the morning... WTF do you expect?)

I'm not even sure I can muster up the energy to research and spout cliche's. Although if I really wanted to work this evangelistic dating thing, it could really be my "IN" LOL.

Back to stats...

...on second (and slightly less tired) look, he's definitely in his late 20's, early 30's (still adorable to me)

... Probably grew up conservative and "backslid" - he says he's neither GOP or DEM, but was agitated that CNN was on the breakroom TV and not Fox News LOL (Typical closet or second generation conservative).

...He has at least a brother because he mentioned that the two of them go over to their parents house on Sundays to watch Sopranos together (HOW CUTE!!!!)

More entertainment (a subject that is easier to broach)... Loves Discovery, TLC and the History channels and more brit stuff (which made me want to snog him on the spot - because... well, not many straight men do - and he is straight btw), HOUSE and loads of movies in common, Adult Swim and other obscure references we came up with. Oh and this should probably go in the religion para above, but he reads and knows about CS Lewis as well (we talked about the Narnia movie)

We sit next to each other in class and on both breaks he either asked to sit next to me or just sat there to talk - also walked out with me, but hey... we both really wanted to leave and there's only one exit to the parking lot. :D

Now comes the time when I stress about 1. Is his ease in conversing because he's not attracted to me at all 2. Even if we do hit it off, am I the kind of girl he'd bring home to mom? 3. Am I monopolizing too much of his time, smiling too much, helping too much, talking to much? 4. Do I smell and does my breath stink (especially after up and in the same clothes for almost 20 hours)?

It's also the time that I freak out because no matter what I wear and how thin I feel... I'll still be fat and me in the morning.

In work news... Training Sucks and we still have another 64 hours of it left!!!!

Put a fork in me... I'm done!

Peace!

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

First Day of Training....

It's 1:25 and I just got back from my first day of customer service training at PT Job - EIGHT FLIPPING HOURS!!!!

I'm going to be doing support and sales for a cable company that primarily operates in the North and Mid-West. And dear sweet lord.... I never thought that learning about tv could be so boring!!!!

It didn't help that the trainer wasn't really a trainer, but a senior rep who apparently wasn't told what he was supposed to be teaching and didn't really want to be there. People, we spent a good 35 minutes just talking about a channel line up... basic cable, cable expanded, digital cable, hgtv, packages, premium, video-on-demand.... He went through each... and every.... cable channel!!!!

There was one bright spot though... met a really cute guy!! I only know his last name because when they called it in roll, I thought they were saying his last name first... Last name is Francis.. Will have to check out his name badge tomorrow for the first name...

He moved down to Florida from Ohio with his parents 12 years ago and I'm guessing he's in his mid twenties... Dear god I hope not much younger than that!! A little taller than me, blond and very geek chic. He's studying at ITT Tech in addition to working FT with the company, and LOVES BBC AMERICA SHOWS and movies!!! Even the really quirky off-beat ones like Little Britain.

And he just seems like a really fun guy to (at the very least) hang out with - we were cracking jokes to each other for the last half of the evening (after the 4 hour HR session!!!) I'm hoping we get put on the same schedule Even though I will only be on Part Time. I'm not sure if I'll have the balls enough to give him my number - even if it is just to hang out. I haven't much experience with that type of thing and I fear making a collossal ass of myself.

Other than that, I think the job will be a pain in the ass at times (like most jobs), but doable. We'll see how it goes.

More tomorrow... Much love!

Monday, March 06, 2006

10 Things...

So you caught me on a depressed day... When that little voice inside is criticizing me, it's usually for one of these things. Thankfully, they are things that I can change (for the most part). Yes, some of them are petty/trivial... but who can reason with the voice?!

In no particular order...

1. Lose Weight. A full 80lbs is required to get me to the top of the health range. This may require joining Overeater's Anonymous.
2. Become more active (scheduled exercise and other activities). Actually use the Bally's membership that I'm paying for. Find a exercise buddy if necessary
3. Finish my degree and expand my frame of reference to things outside of Television, Movies, the Internet and Pop Culture. Read the classics, study history and politics to gain a better grasp of the world around me.
4. Take up Spanish and music again and learn to cook and dance.
5. Get a handle on finances. Get a second job and start to save for the future.
6. Get counseling for Post Traumatic Church Disorder.
7. Go back to church. Get involved in some type of ministry.
8. Volunteer to help in a project I'm interested in... and one I'm not particularly interested in.
9. Learn to dress (Any one is welcome to submit my name to "What Not To Wear!"
10. Learn to communicate with the opposite sex and yes... Find a man to marry! :) (or at the very least, drug somebody rich and pretty in Vegas and live off the alimony :)