First Post

So excited about my first blog that I have too many thoughts competing to be written.

First... Congratulations to President Bush... and here's to hoping that the next four years will be better for everyone.

I think my new passion du jour will be Christian apologetics... It has always been an interest of mine, but I have to resist the urge to study and discuss just so I can feel I've got it all together - A HUGE issue for a perfectionist like myself.

My renewed interest started this year when what seemed like an overwhelming number of Christians indicated that even though they find things (such as abortion) morally abhorant they would not be voting for candidates that hold these views. To quote "we are not one issue voters". If I have the energy I will try to enunciate why that phrase annoys the heck out of me at a later date.

Earlier this week I also had an interesting discussion with a coworker about sex, virginity, living together and religion in general. Why does it seem like I'm the only one who is afraid to present what I believe? The fact that I believe that going to heaven requires accepting Christ is not inherently oppressive. If you don't choose to believe it, then fine... take it as a grain of salt. Just because I share that I believe that does not mean I am personally sentencing you to hell - it's just an exchange of ideas.

anyhoo...

I got absolutely NOTHING done today... Even as I'm sitting down to a nice lunch with my boss, discussing how well I've been doing, I know I could be doing so much more if I could only pull myself together. I still wonder if I have ADD or if I'm just lazy. Wonder if I should be at another job in a different field... anything! OR is this just a character flaw that will follow me wherever I go? If God is (as Pastor M said) ultimately responsible for my growth then where is he? Am I really growing at all - only slowly? Are these thoughts similar to what Moses felt being essentially forgotten by God for all those years between Egypt and the burning bush? Who knows?

I'm still trying to decide whether to go to Regent U's PsyD program online or not. Haven't finished the paperwork - haven't studied for the GRE. I'm planning to research other options other than psychology to see if I have the ever elusive "peace" that everyone talks about when they finally make a decision.

I AM SO excited about the changes that will be taking place on the church website. I know it probably won't last forever, but just the fact that someone takes an interest in what I suggest is... just wonderful, and encouraging.

I'm beginning to wonder (as many, many others have) if I will ever get married, or even if I'm supposed to get married. There's just NO one around. I don't think I've been TOO picky certainly not any more than your average white woman. Does the fact that I am black mean I have to settle for someone who doesn't match my personality, spirituality, politics and morals and to whom I'm not attracted? Why does this have to be so difficult? I'm very eager to see how/if this will change when I lose all the weight. Is it really a visual thing? It seems that I get along well with eharmony men - until they see me... very depressing.

I was so eager to see the Deitrich Bonnhoeffer movie - SHOCKED that it was so prominently displayed at BlockBuster, but got it anyway. I'm sure most facts were ok, but it was basically a pacifist propaganda piece. Disappointing.

I don't always know how to reconcile the fact that Jesus calls for peace and the fact that war is sometimes necessary (Ever hear of the Old Testament people? CHOCK FULL of God- ordained... no, DEMANDED wars).

I think part of it is that we are to be peaceMAKER not a peaceKEEPER. I visualize the difference like this.... Say you have an upset stomach - you have the urge to puke... You have two choices... First, You can keep taking antacids, the pink stuff and everything else the doctor prescribes. This may decrease the upset permanently if it's a minor problem or just until the effects of the medication wear off - usually all too short. Your second option is to just to let your body throw up... it's nasty, unpleasant and messy, but a natural and effective process.

Just thoughts - not fully developed, but there you have it.