Days 3 & 4 and Reason # 89765....

---Deleted--- because I'm sick of seeing that last post too, Suze.

Will write more later this week!

Much Love

As good as it gets?

Many of us have memories of being told by one or both parents that "we can grow up to be whatever we want to be, as long as we put our minds to it". (In addition, if you grew up in the type of churches I did, you had the preacher-of-the-week prophesies that you would “do great things for God”.)

But obviously there are some flaws in that statement. Shacquile O’neil (sp?) will never be a prize winning jockey, nor Danny Devito an NBA superstar, and no matter how much ugly people makeup they agree to put on Charlize Theron – she will (probably) never get offered the role of Winston Churchill…… (probably).

So, how do you be all that you can be and not give up in the face of adversity (almost typed “diversity” – sleep deprivation is a hilarious thing!!) WHILE acknowledging and embracing your limitations and learning to be content “in all situations”? How do you distinguish laziness and from acceptance of one’s lot in life?

I guess what started me on all this was the fact that “D” has once again been offered a high profile project that gets accolades from our group (and in this case – the president of the company). She’s almost like another supervisor in the group – she’s looked to for advice and direction in new projects before the other admin and I even know there’s something going on.

I’ve been doing admin work for the past…. 10 years at least. I work my ass off most times (apart from emailing and IMing on occasion.), but outside of a precious few incidents when I really shined I pretty much just meet expectations (and bosses are probably being kind – my inconsistency and flakiness on the job should put me at does not meet expectation, but the fact that I’m willing to work extra to fix things and am really nice bump me up a level).

No matter how hard I try, I can’t really seem to make headway or progress in this career – salary increases are mostly because of years of experience. And it’s not that I don’t like my job most days… I like helping and being needed (which I am), but it sucks the life out of me trying to be “detail-oriented”, and “consistent” and to “have good follow-through skills”, but these are things I’d need for ANY job.

Should I just accept that I never get awards or accolades – never have the time/energy to innovate – never be able to think in a concrete, logical fashion long enough to hold a decent convo with bosses – never be able to focus in meetings –never be great – and then wait around until bosses figure that out fire me?

At this stage in my life I can’t afford to be carefree and just jump into another career… My folks have no money and if there is any truth to the Archer family curse (my mother’s side of the family) – or if you look at the number of professional, smart black women who are still single it’s not outside of the realm of possibility that I’ll never marry. It’s just me… and I’m stuck… and I know… get your degree, but really – considering the number of years I’ve been in school already (too embarrassed to mention how many). Are 9 credits really going to make that much more of a confident and competent worker?

Ok, I’m done ranting for now… I swear I’ll be off this “debbie downer” kick…. Eventually.

Much Love!

Irrational Fear #5?

In addition to last night's list....

What if the only reason GC guy is talking to me is because he's looking for God and God's trying to reach him?!!

It's one thing to be a DUFF for your friends, but it's down-right traumatizing to find out you're God's Duff!!!!!!

Second Day...

In my best impression of Vince Vaughn (yum!) from Wedding Crashers, here is my thought on "geek chic guy" tonight.. HE'S A SEEKER/TALKER!!! (wince)

GC guy (whose name I will share with the girls later) grew up with Catholic parents, but was an atheist until the last two years when he started reading everything about religion, I guess... It was the most animated I'd seen him since... well last night when we met.... :) We actually missed a large portion of our class because we were talking about the flood and the fallibility of carbon dating and scientology and islam and a whole bunch of stuff.

He's read through the Bible several times, the Koran and the Torah too... I know he's really seeking and wants to believe in something and that's probably why God put him in my life for right now. It was an interesting conversation, but considering my frighteningly rapid descent in to practical agnosticism... now is probably not the best time to be a representative for The Almighty.

Pentecostal guilt makes me feel I should do something in the way of Christian PR - no matter how half-assed the attempt. Although... even though he's totally interested in religion and I'm well... not... really... I think in level of belief in God and Christian things we're probably somewhat comparable by virtue of me heading one way and him the other. (I'm not sure that made sense, but it's 2:30 in the morning... WTF do you expect?)

I'm not even sure I can muster up the energy to research and spout cliche's. Although if I really wanted to work this evangelistic dating thing, it could really be my "IN" LOL.

Back to stats...

...on second (and slightly less tired) look, he's definitely in his late 20's, early 30's (still adorable to me)

... Probably grew up conservative and "backslid" - he says he's neither GOP or DEM, but was agitated that CNN was on the breakroom TV and not Fox News LOL (Typical closet or second generation conservative).

...He has at least a brother because he mentioned that the two of them go over to their parents house on Sundays to watch Sopranos together (HOW CUTE!!!!)

More entertainment (a subject that is easier to broach)... Loves Discovery, TLC and the History channels and more brit stuff (which made me want to snog him on the spot - because... well, not many straight men do - and he is straight btw), HOUSE and loads of movies in common, Adult Swim and other obscure references we came up with. Oh and this should probably go in the religion para above, but he reads and knows about CS Lewis as well (we talked about the Narnia movie)

We sit next to each other in class and on both breaks he either asked to sit next to me or just sat there to talk - also walked out with me, but hey... we both really wanted to leave and there's only one exit to the parking lot. :D

Now comes the time when I stress about 1. Is his ease in conversing because he's not attracted to me at all 2. Even if we do hit it off, am I the kind of girl he'd bring home to mom? 3. Am I monopolizing too much of his time, smiling too much, helping too much, talking to much? 4. Do I smell and does my breath stink (especially after up and in the same clothes for almost 20 hours)?

It's also the time that I freak out because no matter what I wear and how thin I feel... I'll still be fat and me in the morning.

In work news... Training Sucks and we still have another 64 hours of it left!!!!

Put a fork in me... I'm done!

Peace!

First Day of Training....

It's 1:25 and I just got back from my first day of customer service training at PT Job - EIGHT FLIPPING HOURS!!!!

I'm going to be doing support and sales for a cable company that primarily operates in the North and Mid-West. And dear sweet lord.... I never thought that learning about tv could be so boring!!!!

It didn't help that the trainer wasn't really a trainer, but a senior rep who apparently wasn't told what he was supposed to be teaching and didn't really want to be there. People, we spent a good 35 minutes just talking about a channel line up... basic cable, cable expanded, digital cable, hgtv, packages, premium, video-on-demand.... He went through each... and every.... cable channel!!!!

There was one bright spot though... met a really cute guy!! I only know his last name because when they called it in roll, I thought they were saying his last name first... Last name is Francis.. Will have to check out his name badge tomorrow for the first name...

He moved down to Florida from Ohio with his parents 12 years ago and I'm guessing he's in his mid twenties... Dear god I hope not much younger than that!! A little taller than me, blond and very geek chic. He's studying at ITT Tech in addition to working FT with the company, and LOVES BBC AMERICA SHOWS and movies!!! Even the really quirky off-beat ones like Little Britain.

And he just seems like a really fun guy to (at the very least) hang out with - we were cracking jokes to each other for the last half of the evening (after the 4 hour HR session!!!) I'm hoping we get put on the same schedule Even though I will only be on Part Time. I'm not sure if I'll have the balls enough to give him my number - even if it is just to hang out. I haven't much experience with that type of thing and I fear making a collossal ass of myself.

Other than that, I think the job will be a pain in the ass at times (like most jobs), but doable. We'll see how it goes.

More tomorrow... Much love!

10 Things...

So you caught me on a depressed day... When that little voice inside is criticizing me, it's usually for one of these things. Thankfully, they are things that I can change (for the most part). Yes, some of them are petty/trivial... but who can reason with the voice?!

In no particular order...

1. Lose Weight. A full 80lbs is required to get me to the top of the health range. This may require joining Overeater's Anonymous.
2. Become more active (scheduled exercise and other activities). Actually use the Bally's membership that I'm paying for. Find a exercise buddy if necessary
3. Finish my degree and expand my frame of reference to things outside of Television, Movies, the Internet and Pop Culture. Read the classics, study history and politics to gain a better grasp of the world around me.
4. Take up Spanish and music again and learn to cook and dance.
5. Get a handle on finances. Get a second job and start to save for the future.
6. Get counseling for Post Traumatic Church Disorder.
7. Go back to church. Get involved in some type of ministry.
8. Volunteer to help in a project I'm interested in... and one I'm not particularly interested in.
9. Learn to dress (Any one is welcome to submit my name to "What Not To Wear!"
10. Learn to communicate with the opposite sex and yes... Find a man to marry! :) (or at the very least, drug somebody rich and pretty in Vegas and live off the alimony :)

A Sad Commentary

Associated Press
Updated: 1:22 a.m. ET March 1, 2006

CHICAGO - Americans apparently know more about “The Simpsons” than they do about the First Amendment.

Only one in four Americans can name more than one of the five freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment.

But more than half can name at least two members of the cartoon family, according to a survey.

The study by the new McCormick Tribune Freedom Museum found that 22 percent of Americans could name all five Simpson family members, compared with just one in 1,000 people who could name all five First Amendment freedoms.

Joe Madeira, director of exhibitions at the museum, said he was surprised by the results.

“Part of the survey really shows there are misconceptions, and part of our mission is to clear up these misconceptions,” said Madeira, whose museum will be dedicated to helping visitors understand the First Amendment when it opens in April. “It means we have our job cut out for us.”

The survey found more people could name the three “American Idol” judges than identify three First Amendment rights. They were also more likely to remember popular advertising slogans.

It also showed that people misidentified First Amendment rights. About one in five people thought the right to own a pet was protected, and 38 percent said they believed the right against self-incrimination contained in the Fifth Amendment was a First Amendment right, the survey found.

The telephone survey of 1,000 adults was conducted Jan. 20-22 by the research firm Synovate and had a margin of error of plus or minus 3 percentage points.

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Editor's note: The five freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment are freedom of speech, religion, press, assembly and petition for redress of grievances.